A Sabbatical

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Post Written by Lilly

Well hello.

It’s been a minute since I’ve had a reason or moment to sit down and write like this. It feels like I’m finally getting to catch up with some old friends! And yeah, I’m putting it out there that this time around the ol’ blogging block I hope to meet some new faces as well.

Where to begin?

The highlights: January 2016 I found out my life as I knew it and had meticulously designed it wasn’t working anymore. June 2018 I realized the career track I had exhausted myself and my family to get a seat on didn’t appear to love me back. And there’s nothing I hate like unrequited love.

That left me waking up in my sister’s guest room, two weeks after abruptly leaving my job, on a quick visit to her place. The adrenaline of instinctual, rapid fire change was wearing off. I was very fresh into a life of the great unknown and for the first time wondered, “What the f*ck am I going to do?”

Doing life in the way I had previously been attempting it was not an option. But neither was doing nothing.

I had spent the first decade of career and child-bearing years scatter shooting, going into every open door with full force and emotional attachment. I had a wonderful database of memories that could clearly point to what I didn’t want to do again. So that certainly helped.

My pivots in young adult life had been sharp and fast and historically not landed me in places where I felt both feet on the ground and at home. The new plan was to move more slowly and intentionally, explore more for the sake of exploring and less for the need to feel a part of anything bigger than me. Me finding and being me right now was enough.

So back to the guest room, staring at the ceiling. An answer came like two deep gong chimes.

CREATIVITY. AUTHENTICITY.

Like a bad Christmas Carol remake, the message left just as quickly as it came my way. I wanted to chase it out the window to make sure it didn’t forget to leave the rest of my instructions (an ironic thought for me because, when do I ever bother to read the instructions anyways?).

I had no instructions, but I had two north stars. The voice was right. My creativity and authenticity were my favorite things about myself. I thrive when they are recognized and encouraged. More than that, I realized in environments where they felt unwelcome I felt the same. I light up when someone feels more empowered to be their most fearless, weirdest, badass self when they were around me. I may be new to gong chime messages and striking out on my own, but this clicked.

That morning now feels like five minutes and a lifetime ago. I’ve flowed through some interesting projects and transitions - developing and chairing a non-profit fundraiser, starting a part-time job in an incredibly creative field and moving to a new home! Adventures have come my way by asking the world to bring me into a life that is more creative and authentic. I’ve known what is and isn’t for me by asking myself if it’s an opportunity where I will learn how to be more creative and authentic and/or be able to encourage those around me on the same path. All along the way, I’ve tried not to respond to moments or opportunities put in front of me like this was “it.” I was on sabbatical: exploring, retreating, playing. I had a feeling one day all of these experiences would click to what I was meant to do, but for now I was meant to do them in a way that was recreational.

Over this time, the primary place I’ve tried to practice my creativity and authenticity is with my family in our home. Routines, conversations, systems and even decor have all been overturned to test the status quo and ask ourselves if we’re living the way we are meant to, not how we think we should based on those around us or stories we’ve been told about finding success in its traditional definition.

As tempting as it was to have a perfect elevator speech of who I was and what I did, I stayed open and trusted myself that one day all of these seemingly casual and sometimes unproductive experiences would come together into a larger, neater plan of what I should *actually* do with my life. But the main thing I’ve come to know is, this exploration is what I’m good at. I love exploring with an open mind and sharing with an open heart. And the journey, the exploration and the sharing might be the actual plan.

With a new home to turn into our oasis and incubator for the creative and authentic family we aspire to be, new tools we’ve found for our paths and an eagerness to continue to find new ideas, it feels like the right time to open up about our story and invite you to come by here now and then to see what we’re up to!

Welcome to our home sweet home here on the Internet. An online studio where we work through our adventures, findings and feelings. The door is always open and we aim to keep our hearts and minds open here too - sharing our lives without shame in hopes we can make the world a better place with an eagerness to listen and learn from you all as well. We aim to always be ourselves here. Come by and be your fullest, realest most amazing self here too!

GROWLillyComment